I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
