Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
