He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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