I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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