i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
