fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
