Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
