i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
