what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
