Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
