I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
