this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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