i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
