3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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