I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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