Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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