Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
