but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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