But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
