Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
