separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
