I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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