I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
