Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
