The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
