Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
