I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
