Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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