yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
