When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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