What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've blown a few things in my day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize