my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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