Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
