i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
