check it out our google latitudes are spooning
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
