Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
