you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
