people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
