I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
