I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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