We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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