You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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