Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
...so i touched it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
