Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
