You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
