I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
