So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
