I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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