You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
