laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
