Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize