I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
