You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
