guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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