id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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