We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
