I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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