I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
