dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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