You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
