We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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