I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
