Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize