Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Randomize
