I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need water and some morals
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
