He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
