I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Someone came in the potted fern
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
